“Can I go out
with my friends?”
I would ask Papa.
And always he would say:
“No!”
I would whine and complain:
“But all the others do!”
He would shake his head irritably
and say:
“God forbid! I don’t want you to be
like others!”
I would sulk and declare:
“You don’t trust me!”
He would nod his head
and say very earnestly:
“You are too young
to even trust yourself!”
I would get desperate and implore:
“But if you don’t let me go
out in the world
how will I grow?”
He would gravely say,
“Like a tree!”
“Like a tree?”
I would echo with disbelief.
“Yes, like a tree
Which is forever rooted to the ground
but still manages to grow
upward into the sky!”
I would stamp my feet
And exclaim:
“Trees and roots and sky!
All I want is to be
with my friends!”
Papa would shake his head
and say:
“Then invite them here,
Order a pizza,
I will pay
but stay rooted to the ground!”
I would throw a tantrum,
I would bring the roof down
but stay rooted I did
and that is why
I can touch the sky today.

I don’t know why this song evokes such tender emotions inside me every time I hear it. I’ve seen the video millions of times but it still gets me every single time! I’m embarrassed to watch it with anyone else around!
Anyways, on the subject of parents (for that’s what the song is about) sometimes I realize how ironic it is that we spend most of our teenhood and part of our adulthood rebelling against our own parents, and when it comes time for us to become parents, we realize how unfair we had been all this time. We realize what a tremendous responsibilty parenting is; how scary and intimadating it is! For the first time we begin to really respect our parents the way we always should have. I know that there are exceptions, and not everyone learns to respect their parents and perhaps some parents don’t even warrant any credit, but I’m talking about most parents; most importantly I’m talking about my parents.
Sometimes when I look back at the pain and disappointment I used to cause my parents, I cringe with shame. If there is anything I could ever take back, I’d retract every single moment of anguish that I caused my wonderful parents.
Sometimes when I ask God for something I’m aware that even if He chooses to never give me anything ever again, He still gave me more than I could ever deserve by giving me my wonderful family, AlhamduLilah.
I wish that I could have had this wisdom ten years ago but then I’m grateful that I have it even now with God’s grace. The funny thing is, my parents probably felt the same way I do, and my children will probably make the same mistakes I did and so… it’s the cycle of life. Thankfully, most of us come full circle. And as long as we do, I think it’s good enough. That’s the special thing about parents, it’s never too late for them to forgive you

Tyro: a beginner in learning anything; novice (Dictionary.com). That’s exactly what I am, so you will condone my initial ramblings… until I can perhaps master the art of blog. I’m not sure why I’ve decided to do this. In fact, maybe I do know but don’t want to know. You decipher my meaning? In verity, this blog is a a culmination of something very uncomplicated… my desire to talk. Let’s just say that being laconic is not one of my virtues. So the the irony is that I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m forced to address my laptop screen. It’s sad, isn’t it? No offense to all the other avid bloggers but in days bygone I used to feel rather diffident when I used to consider writing a blog. I used to think, surely I don’t need my life to be an open book? Surely no one will ever read what I have to write? etc. etc.
Needless to say, I’ve changed my perspective. I no longer care if someone will or won’t read what I have to say. I just want to rant and rave and talk my heart out! This blog seems like a nice enough place to begin! Thus begins my blog…

You ask, but why this earnest need to unravel myself? Well that’s frankly too long a story. And if somehow you’ve ventured here (surely, by mistake) then I have no intention of devising tools to drive you away. So I’ll just say this much… sometimes when you have no one to REALLY talk to… then your own self is not a bad option. As a rule, I detest writing journals because whenever I read my entries afterwards, I sounded like someone else, someone I didn’t like very much! Does that make sense? No. Good. That’s the thing about these blogs, they don’t have to make sense!

On another (slightly) different subject, I chose to call my blog something in Urdu and in case you’re unfortunate enough to be unfamiliar with this beautiful language then ‘Dasht-e-Tanhayee Main’ means ‘In the Desert of Lonliness’, and what better name for this blog than the title of the namesake Ghazal (poem) by Faraz Ahmed Faraz. This blog is born out of my inner lonliness… and sometimes my heart’s parched desert cries out for some rain of camaraderie… Perhaps I can find something in this virtual maze which I’ve been such a dismal failure at finding in the real world… friendship.

If by now I’ve managed to make myself sound like a complete loser then I insist that you change your mind. Things weren’t always this way… there was once a time when I had a LIFE… when I had friends and family and love but then I had to move to a land far far away and leave it all behind. For the past two years I’ve been trying to sketch a new world on the canvas of my life but I haven’t been able to do a very good job. You see, I’m not a very good painter. Haha. Anyways, I know that I’m blessed still… I have a very kind and loving husband who’ s probably worth all the sacrifices I’ve made, but I’m cursed with a loyal heart! A heart that won’t forget where it comes from…

But I think I’ve tried very hard to fit in… to find my way in this foreign land… but a lifetime of memories and love and joy can’t be so easily left behind… can they?