01.30.09
Reflections On A New Me
I’ve started school again. Major in psychology. Go figure. I feel like this has changed my life. I thrive on challenges and this is absolutely a challenge for me. I have no intention of “just getting by”. I’m going to put my heart and soul into this, inshaAllah and do great! I’m already doing pretty well and some of you might hate me for saying this, but after studying in Pakistan all my life, the style of studying here seems a lot easier to me. I know that’s setting myself up but what can I say, hopefully I won’t have to eat my words. Haha!
Ever since I started school, I’ve become a different person. I joined the gym and go there consistently, I eat better, I take care of myself and I feel wonderful, alhamduLilah. I feel like I’m the kind of person who needs to prove herself to herself and that’s the only way I’m happy. If you take that away from me, I wither inwardly. So now that I’m doing something I love and doing it so well, it revives my belief in myself and makes me want to be happy again.
I also had a wonderful trip to Pakistan and England. It was almost perfect. I feel like ever since I cast out unimportant people from my life, people who were leeching away on my kindness, I’ve started to appreciate my family even more. I’ve learnt that they will love you on your worst days, forgive you your missteps and actually care about your happiness. I’m blessed to have such a wonderful family, alhamduLilah.
Just imagine this, I love my Chachi’s lamb roast leg and she made it for me FOUR times.. among other things. I wanted to see Rab ne bana de jodi in the cinema and everyone had already seen it but they went for me again. I wanted to go to that restaurant on top of the mountain and my brother hates driving up there but he literally forced me there, knowing I was only saying ‘no’ because of him. Papa gave me lot of shopping money, it’s the only way he knows to show love. And Mama… well she’s just Mama, isn’t she?
It’s like I’m a new person inside. I don’t need approval from anyone. I know I’m special because of the love and happiness in my life. If I had so called friends who refused to see that, who were unkind and unfair and selfish… then it’s been their loss, not mine. Never mine.
Funny thing is, now that that “friend” virus has died inside me, more “friends” seem to be flocking my way. “Friends” who used to take me for granted are suddenly calling me and telling they miss me. It’s a cruel world where you have to rip out your heart before people will care for it.
However, gloomy, let’s not get. I’m happy.
Muse said,
January 30, 2009 at 11:15 pm
And I’m happy for you! You’ll do great iA
Ex Refugee said,
February 1, 2009 at 3:49 am
Marigold, I am glad that you are doing fine. But please be happy for your self, not that some one loves you. Years ago, I took someone’s advise to say ‘Good morning’ to myself while I look at mirror to brush teeth. It makes my day go much better. Try it – you will not regret it !
Specs said,
February 1, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I’m THAT glad you’re out of that phase. At last you’re seeing things from where I was looking at them: no one is worth wasting your precious self over. If someone doesn’t like you for what you are, its their loss.
I’m glad you understand the difference between a ‘friend’ and a ’so-called friend’
Psychology…hai hai Mari. Kia ho gaya hey! :p I hope you won’t analyse me for calling your friend ‘Mr.Ovaries’
And no wonder I’m not seeing you online as much.
Anyways, you COULD’VE e-mailed me the news that you’re going to Uni now! I’m NOT talking to you! BAS! *angry face*
beyond said,
February 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm
oh fantastic news marigold.i am really happy for you.and that explains no answer to email part as well;)
hope to hear from you soon
umarah
ash said,
February 5, 2009 at 2:53 am
M,
So good to hear about all of this
Keep it up!
Marigold said,
February 9, 2009 at 2:58 am
Thank you, all. You’re all very very sweet.
P.s. Umarah, I’m sorry about not responding to that email of yours. Will do when I get a chance but I do miss you and I do hope you’re doing well
luckyfatima said,
February 9, 2009 at 1:19 pm
i dunno who these psychos are who kept giving u problems, but their loss, not yours, ma dear! glad u r well. i am so excited for you about the uni stuff.
i miss u and i wish we could chat on the phone some more!
maybe next summer!
love ya
wassalaam
meow said,
February 10, 2009 at 10:08 am
You’re trip sounds delicious!!! Lamb Roast. YUM. Do you think you could get me the recipe?? Oh pleasssee don’t say nooooo!
Marigold said,
February 11, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Fatima…. I miss you toooooooo
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, it made my day!!
Meow.. I’m posting the recipe in a new post, just for you!
meow said,
February 12, 2009 at 6:23 am
xoxoxooxxxx